Agony Aunt






Do I go to church? No, I don't


In what I should do, I'm defiant


Will you ever go? No, I won't


As you can see, I'm self-reliant




I have a phobic aunt who jumps


Every time someone mentions God


In the night, she hears all the bumps


Hates being on her tod




Alas, this woebegone relation


Every Sunday takes her favourite pew


She's really into adoration


Attends to be cleansed through and through




Afterwards, she would trot home humming


Absolutely certain she'd been saved


But every night she'd hear something coming


A thump of a heart that's depraved








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